How to attract love in 2020

Saving a relationship: 9 tips

Unfortunately, the half-life of great emotions is limited. Or let's say: The time when great feelings also feel great. Even if the love is still there, the feeling of being in love often disappears quickly. Stop butterflies. But that doesn't mean they couldn't be caught again.

But no worry. Your love doesn't rust. With our tips you will manage to refresh and relive the tingling feeling of happiness in your relationship despite your habit, everyday life and routine.

How do I save my relationship?

If you are currently going through a deep crisis, you should clarify exactly where the problem is in intensive discussions and through honest self-questioning. Couples therapy often helps save a relationship more than many believe.

If the problem is more the well-established routine, the same, unromantic rut that troubles your love, you can try simple measures and activities to brush off the dust and get the rusted machine up and running again. (Or do you have a long distance relationship? This is how you keep your love at bay.)

How do I know my relationship is in danger?

It is of course very easy when you see him again and again with this half-naked young lady, whom he assures that she is only his "life coach" or his "karma advisor". Or when you're actually just yelling at each other. But you don't need us for that now, do you?

Joking aside: It is an alarm signal if you two only live next to each other or even past each other. If the last, in a positive sense, intensive conversation was six months ago. When you are no longer looking forward to anything you do with each other. When there are really only memories of beautiful things in your relationship and everything in everyday life is so monotonous that you can no longer distinguish between the days.

Jacob Lund /
Do you want more togetherness? Then do more together!

What can I do myself to save my relationship?

As long as the love is still there in both of them, so to speak, the embers are still glowing, there are many ways how you can rekindle a flame from it. You just have to try. These tips can help:

1. Relax!

Often bad moods and bad vibes in love have nothing to do with the relationship, but with the stressful everyday life. It obstructs the view of the beautiful and whitewashed everything with its tough gray. So it says: Ommm, come down, straighten your life. Less stress is not only good for your health, but also for your love.

A study by the University of Texas shows that everyday stress that arises outside of the two-person relationship can put a lot of strain on the partnership. Because this pressure also triggers more conflicts in love, because one reacts more irritably than necessary, and because stressed partners are less able to take care of common issues due to a lack of time. There is hardly any time for tenderness. That must not be! So: Ommm ... Here are 7 tips against stress.

2. Be good to each other again!

Very important, now and always: Talk to each other, share feelings. And not just: "It was a crap day." "Yes, mine too." Sit down on a quiet evening, and then both share a few things they love about each other. Whispers of love (or affirmation in technical terms), i.e. words of affirmation, do not only sound good. You tell them to each other to reinforce your own values. In this way you strengthen your partnership and thus enliven the relationship.

3. Do something different!

You used to meet up to do special things with each other. If everything doesn't feel so special anymore, it is high time to do something great together again, because love is also an experiment.

For example: a spontaneous trip to the mountains or the sea, sailing, sauna, ice skating or just going for a walk. Or you have breakfast in the new trendy café or eat in this new Mongolian restaurant, which is completely different from your favorite pizzeria. More tips against boredom in the relationship.

4. Have spontaneous sex!

Yes, that sounds like a man's tip: sometimes fuck off properly, then love will fluff again. That's not true, of course. But if you’re honest, it’s actually been a long time since the last time. Although it's always pretty good when it comes down to it. But actually you two never really find each other.

Sure, he always wants to, and you actually more often than it ultimately happens. But somehow it never works, the matter of course that sex used to be missing is missing. And it only comes back when you do it together, without anyone lighting candles or making themselves pretty. So when he's sitting there on the sofa staring into space, just sit down on his lap and kiss him. Nothing bad will happen.

5. Do something alone more often!

If you hold your own hand very close to your eyes, the view becomes blurred and it becomes difficult to see details. Only when you hold your hand further away does the view become clearer. Every relationship also needs distance. This ensures calm and clarity. "It is poison for the tension in the relationship when you are constantly connected," says the Hamburg psychotherapist Julia Peirano, who also offers love coaching.

Just think: What else do you have to tell each other if you see each other almost around the clock? Therefore: cultivate your hobbies, travel with your friends from time to time, cultivate your own cosmos. Grant him the same freedom (no, not in relation to your girlfriends!). You don't want to just circle around each other all the time, you want to increase the attraction between the two most important planets in your solar system.

6. Take the satisfaction test!

First of all, do you want to know where you are with your relationship? An offer from the University of Göttingen helps: At you can check the satisfaction, communication and balance in the relationship with scientifically proven partnership tests free of charge. You can also compare yourself to other couples. You are probably in a pretty good position and only have a little love hangover.

In particular, if your sex seems to be asleep, Theratalk's so-called resource activation system can help: With this module, both partners can specify, for a fee, what they personally lack in terms of intimacy, what they want. The program compares the statements anonymously - and everyone receives feedback with lots of suggestions that make sex exciting again.

7. Have 2 + 2 conversations more often!

In other words: meet a different couple more often. It has been scientifically proven that couples are mutually reinforcing, as demonstrated in a study by psychologist Richard Slatcher of Wayne University in Michigan. Couples who talked to another couple about personal, emotional topics, as one does with good friends, then felt closer to their own partner - the old spark flew over. "Mutual friends are good for couples," says Richard Slater. "Probably double dates are an easy way to reactivate previous feelings of tension between partners."

8. Create a common vision!

Forge common goals. Have big plans for next year - as a couple. No matter whether you move in together, plan a big vacation, either drive exotic far away or are looking for a sporting challenge like crossing the Alps by bike. It can also be a joint 10 km run or landscaping.
Important: The project should be equally important to both of you - only then will it strengthen the partnership!

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9. Fall in love again - with its good sides

Somehow the guy is annoying sometimes. Can this be? Yes, that's normal when you've been together for a while. After all, nobody is perfect. You maybe? Now let's be honest ...

So: "Now concentrate on his good sides when you think of him," says Ian Kerner, sex therapist and partnership coach from the USA, author of the books "More lust for him" and "More lust for her" from Goldmann Verlag ( around 9 euros).

Which of his facial expressions make you weak? Why are you with him and not your best friend's boyfriend? What can he do better than other men? He's great. And to think that more often just feels good. Maybe you’ll tell him that too. Other ways of saying "I love you"

If love no longer tingles as it did in the beginning, that is by no means a reason. to give up the relationship that has fallen asleep. Even if love should of course not be work, our 9 tips will help you to get closer again and to rekindle the fire of love.

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