Have you ever ruined someone's party

How to take over the music at a flat share party without ruining it

If you are throwing a house / flat share party, it is extremely important that you are friendly to your guests. As a welcome greeting, there is something like “Hey, it's nice that you are. Do you want something to drink? The plastic cups we stole from Spar are over there. Alternatively, you can also see mountains of coke on the DVD of Ice cold angels pull."

It's that simple in theory. Flat share parties are basically easy and direct. As long as you satisfy the basic needs of the various guests (enough space, but not too much; two toilets; a reasonable gender ratio) and don't walk around like crazy all evening because people keep their shoes on and don't use coasters, everything is cool.

Most parties, however, do not place enough emphasis on the music. When it comes up, they throw together a Spotify playlist — from a free account, of course, because who doesn't want to hear Trackshittaz ads at 3:35 am? Because they know that in 100% of the cases self-appointed knights in white armor and armed with iPhones will come to the supposed rescue. It's going to happen, so make peace with it in a moment.

You already know how to recognize these people: They sit in the corner until they are absolutely sure that they are going to save the party at that very moment by breaking off the current song at 1:41 and whipping in what they want to hear . If you don't belong to this class of people: give it a shit. Have a beer, try to relax and enjoy the situation. You can't do anything anyway.

However, if you are one of those amateur kings of taste who constantly appoints yourself to be a guide through the musical ups and downs of the night, then read the guide of the most self-proclaimed amateur kings of taste - us - carefully. This is the absolute basics of how not to destroy someone else's party with incompetence.

What music should I play?

The first and most important lesson: never in the history of mankind has ever gone to a flat share party to discover new music. The fine nuances and struts of your record collection are completely out of place here. A flat share party should always be seen as a greatest hits set. Your job is to lead them into a stream of never-ending ecstasy.

With this info in mind, you can say that there are basically only three genres that you can legitimately play at a shared apartment party:

Hip hop: In addition to spilled drinks and the one guy who clogs the toilet, the moment when the beginning of a well-known hip-hop song roars from the system is a constant at every flat-share party. For the person behind the music there is a whole range of classic possibilities: You have R. Kelly's "Ignition (Remix)", at least three songs by Jay-Z and some street poetry by Biggie. Just play one of these songs, and you're going to be the hero; play three in a row and you'll be worshiped as a demigod; play five and they'll think you're a DJ from KissFM. But please fucking stick to the classics - nobody wants Lil Ugly Mane's Flow sneaks up on them while they are busy getting a beer out of the bathtub and at the same time not letting the conversation with the brunette end.

Alternatively: Fuck it and finally play "Hey Ma".

House: House came before the Internet, and actually almost everyone finds a little fun indulging in the four-to-the-floor after four beers. In addition, Frankie Knuckles is much more pleasant than footwork for the inexperienced, so it is completely legitimate to shamelessly reach into the back catalog. You have to accept that no one is really listening at a shared party. So basically it doesn't really matter what you play at 120bpm. As long as it has any beat, your audience will be happy, like puppies overheated with excitement in front of a bowl of water.

Disco: Disco is great because it's nostalgic, somehow always has something to do with love and every disco track sounds familiar if you've ever heard a disco track. Disco has something warm about it. When you look into your parents' eyes, you know that disco is to blame for your conception. And when they look into your eyes, they see a disco that only they can remember.

Nostalgia music: A good starting point is always to think about what a song meant for everyone in the room when it was created and what it means now. For example, never play “Who Let the Dogs Out” by Baha Men because it was bullshit back then and is bullshit today. Rather, make sure you address the parts of the brain that associate happy moments with the songs back in the day. Or at least that teenage sadness, which is actually kind of happiness too. In other words, it's perfectly OK to play Jimmy Eat World as long as you stick to it.

Oh, one more thing: get a feel for when it's OK to play a smash hit again. Music that came out three months ago? Play them. Music that came out four years ago? Play them as well. Between these two poles there is some “uncanny valley” that destroys every party. Just imagine for a moment if someone would pick up their iPod and play “Get Lucky” and then “Somebody That I Used To Know” and then “Call Me Maybe” and then “Harlem Shake” and then “Blurred Lines”. This is not nostalgia, this is otherworldly.

Or you just make it easy for yourself and play this. We are 100% sure that this is the perfect flat share party playlist. It will definitely be shot, but at least we tried.

When should I keep my fingers off the iPod?

Some parties have a very sophisticated set-up (tractor's controller on lock, folders sorted by bpm), others have an iPod docking station. No matter what it looks like on site, these two rules always apply.

Rule one: silence is forbidden. That means that you always have to have a new song ready, never stop halfway, and damn it, you never pull someone else's iPod off the station to plug in your own. Nobody is above the vibe, not even you. So actually, especially not you.

Rule two: people stick to the system as if it were their childhood sweetheart who dumped them coldly and suddenly shows interest again. This means that once you are in control, you will never leave the iPod alone. If you politely ask them if they are playing a song, they will mumble something like "Yeah, sure, after this song" and play their stuff until you give up in exasperation.

Therefore: leave it. You're at a flat share party, not at a request concert. Let them play what they want. You are not the boss.

When you've internalized these two rules-always share, never ruin the vibe-it's time to think about who has the right to access the facility and, more importantly, who isn't. The bedroom producer who wants to try out his new magnum opus? Nope. The guy with the big pupils who's already asked about hardstyle twice? Certainly not. A happy trio who absolutely want to hear Outkast's "Roses" and hit the dance floor? Sure! The golden rule: Anyone who brings something that the party lacks - be it straws, rum or aaliyah - is welcome.

What should i never do

  • "Wait for the drop"
  • "Play the song, I know the band!"
  • "Please, the birthday child really wants to hear that!"
  • “Oh god, do you know the live version of it? Wait, I have it. "
  • Calling yourself “the DJ”
  • Believe that you're above the vibe. We've said that before, but we've been to enough flat-share parties to know that you can't say that often enough.

What should I do at the end of the evening?

When we said that there are only three legitimate genres that you can play at a shared apartment party, we of course exaggerated. The fact is that the end of a party is always a fragile thing: Most people are already home, the few leftovers cling to the good memories of the last few hours and the hope that the weekend may not be over yet, and they do don't have to go home alone. It's a lonely time and when you don't have anyone hugging you at home, music will be what gets you through this point of the evening.

I have a few favorites for this moment - for example, "Can't Do Without You" by Caribou - I'm sure you have your own comedown playlist in mind. Please don't start the General Levy megamix from scratch. Play something emotional. Either that, or you just go home because the residents have been waiting for it for an hour anyway.

Follow Ryan on Twitter: @RyanBassil

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