What is true love marriage

Head over heart: are marriages of reason really better?

After seven years of marriage, our author is certain that marriages of convenience are not a bad idea. Several studies prove her right.

Marrying out of reason? Because it fits, because you have the same ideas, because you just happen to want the same thing in the same place at the same time, for example a child? According to several studies, this is not only a passable option, but often a better option than getting married out of passion. The American psychologist Epstein, who conducts research on the subject at Harvard University, is not surprised. Firstly, it is not easy to distinguish lust from love and secondly, a happy marriage is the product of shared experiences, values ​​and life plans. It is also possible to arouse feelings: "If a man and a woman look deeply into each other's eyes for two minutes, their feelings for each other become more, even if they do not know each other."

The fireworks were kindled by someone else

What would have sounded like pure heresy to me 10 years ago and would have betrayed any romance in me doesn't seem so stupid to me today. And that, although I definitely had a lot of butterflies in my stomach when I signed my marriage certificate with my new last name seven years ago. So I'm definitely not leading a marriage of convenience. But when I met my husband, I was just having the biggest lovesickness ever. I cried after my childhood sweetheart, a guy I totally fell into when I was 14 and who I ran into again when I was 24. My heart was in blazing flames, I knew: THAT is the stuff Hollywood draws from. After a short fireworks display, however, he had enough of Hollywood and kindly but firmly sent me into the desert. I went out with my friends completely exhausted and had only one plan: distraction. So I went for the next best good-looking guy without paying a second whether I was presenting myself particularly well. Nobody could have suspected that I would marry this handsome guy one day and that he would hold the embarrassment of the said evening against me forever.

Sometimes the head is smarter than the stomach

We met, we talked a lot, we very slowly took one step at a time, and every day I could not imagine living without him. Lo and behold, this time none of us was bothered, even if Hollywood would have been bored to death with us. We don't stop. We have now been married for seven years and have three children. No, you definitely can't call our marriage a marriage of convenience, but there was never one huge BÄM. I once read that true love lives in a calm chest. That probably describes what I want to say very well. I married my best friend. My fucking hot best friend. And even if we can nag each other fantastically and find each other stupid, I know that there couldn't have been a better person for me out there. My head suspected that in front of my stomach. Therefore I would not rule out that love can also arise from marriages of reason.

The love marriage is still brand new

What I wasn't really aware of: love marriage as a concept is totally newfangled stuff anyway. Our great-grandparents and probably the grandparents of many of them would have laughed out loud at our romantic idea of ​​love. They didn't necessarily consider hormones, passion and rose-tinted glasses to be a stable foundation, and in the end we know that too. That's why most of them move in together first, take their time, check whether the infatuation grows into love in everyday life and turn around a few times in life until it really fits. Does it always have to be passion that motivates you to "check" your partner? I honestly don't believe that anymore. What remains in the end is, above all, friendship, kindness, forbearance and a common value system. And yes, of course, sex is important. But who says you have to marry Mr. Ugly out of reason? In any case, if George Clooney and I were a good match, I would have married him without batting an eyelid. If it weren't for my very best friend already lying in my bed, whom I love very, very much.