Don't you like your child
I love my child - but I don't like it! What helps? Question from the community
Dear ones, we still have an emotional question from the community today - and maybe there is some experience of it to some extent. Please be respectful - mom is pretty exhausted.
"Dear Tollabea team, dear community,
I am a quiet reader here, and the experiences of other parents with questions have often helped me too.
I've been facing a problem for a long time and it would be good to know if others have been through this situation and feelings.
I'm a very young mom, 28 years old and already have two girls, 7 and 2. My boyfriend and I are a .. well .. normal couple. We share everything fairly equally, he is self-employed, I work part-time. We love and we fight, even in front of the children, but never bad. We deliver and have arguments, but are never hurtful, and we get along pretty quickly. We are both super loving with the children, we never hit them, and we both screamed at most times loudly STOP when it was really dangerous.
We actually have a consensus on family harmony.
I say 'actually' because we are both shocked by our oldest daughter and completely at a loss.
Even as a baby she was incredibly tense, not to say a real cry baby. The defiant phase was creepy. Getting used to daycare is very difficult. Daycare difficult. She never really wanted to be there.
I can remember very few moments so far when I thought the child would feel really good.
All paediatricians have certified her as healthy and normally developed, she is not sick, we had her checked out completely - but she seems somehow at war with the world, with us, with her sister. She screams on the smallest occasion, throws herself on the floor as a first grader, curses (!), Scolds, demands, stamps, destroys things.
I try to be gentle, then she doesn't even listen and continues to riot. I try to be clear and determined, then she screams even worse and likes to break things. Yes, she looks at me or her dad grimly and defiantly and knocks an object around that it rattles.
She hardly has any friends at school, nor does the teacher have good access to her.
We have already been to two child psychologists, and have already had two behavioral therapies, without much success. They couldn't make a proper diagnosis. There was suspicion of autism, but this has not been confirmed. Well, we learned a few tricks that help us with the bare minimums, so that we even dare to get into a vehicle together - without being afraid that we will have an accident. Loud music on the ears calms them down a bit.
Very seldom she likes to be fooled when she is completely exhausted, mostly from screaming.
We often say, “I love you!” And we mean it.
But I have to be honest: I don't like my child.
Yes, I love my daughter, but I notice how slowly I am rejecting her whole kind. My nerves are through. Sometimes I wonder if she doesn't instinctively feel the rejection ... even if I try everything not to let her feel it. Is that a vicious circle?
Your little sister is a pot of gold. "Beginner baby" right from the start, unproblematic, cuddly, sugar-sweet. The full contrast program. When I hold her in my arms, I fluctuate between relaxation - and a guilty conscience for the big one.
Fortunately, the big one has inhibitions about hurting the little one badly - but in the heat of the moment the little one has gotten one or the other building block on the head. To be on the safe side, we never leave the children alone.
But to be on the safe side, all of our friends left us alone ... of course, it's no fun with us as a family.
My friend has tried a lot, trips with her alone, sometimes leaving her with grandma (his mother). Difficult. She treats everyone like a capricious ruler. She has thrown a shoe directly in the face of Grandma and seriously injured her.
I feel sad and hurt - my boyfriend is more optimistic despite everything. He thinks her moods would still grow ...
Is there anyone who knows this feeling or has almost had such experiences? What helped
Many desperate greetings,
an anonymous mom "
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