What really changes changes

Can you coach yourself with a book and thus change your life? "The New You" (TNY) is a self-coach and planner for change. The motto “self-determined instead of externally controlled” appealed to me immediately. Of course, there have been books before that have influenced me. "Siddhartha" from Hermann Hesse for example or "Destiny is a lousy traitor" by John Green. TNY came into my hands just before I started my metabolism regimen.

At that time I thought: "I'm 40 and I often still feel like a child." I was dissatisfied and felt inconsistent in many things. Reading the little booklet gave me the impetus to give full throttle - in MY direction.

The TNY founder and life coach Iris Reiche explains in an interview what effect this book can have on its readers and why you have to get into your own pockets to finally live your life the way you want it, instead of a miracle or to hope for Prince Charming.

Why do so many people want to reinvent themselves - and still fail! Plans to emigrate or diets are broken off, lousy partners are not abandoned, stupid jobs with terrible bosses are not quit ... How do we all fail again and again?

The usual I is the hardest habit that one can give up. Because what we want and what we unconsciously believe can differ greatly from one another. You want a new job, but you don't really dare to do it. You want to be loved, but you don't love yourself.

We are shaped by thoughts and beliefs that have been formed for years or decades. Knitted and influenced by our parents and other loved ones. We think about 70,000 thoughts a day and we consciously choose only 5% of them. 95% are unconscious thought patterns that influence our decisions and thus our experiences. So if we want to change our experiences in life, we have to start at the source, with our thoughts.

Old negative experiences and unconscious beliefs that we have adopted from other people can really sabotage ourselves. When we break away from these limiting beliefs and thought patterns, we become free for what we really want. As Henry Ford said "Whether you think you can or you can't - you are always right."

The foreword to your book is: "Nothing changes until you change yourself and then everything changes". Why is this sentence so central? What does it mean for you personally?

The outer world (your environment) is a mirror of the inner world (your thoughts and beliefs). If we want to change anything in our life, we have to start with ourselves. If we want to be loved, we must first love and accept ourselves for who we are. If we want to perceive the world more beautifully and better, then we must (and can) train our brain to notice the beautiful and the good. Studies have shown that it takes 3x as many positive experiences to outweigh a negative one. This means that we have a lot more positive experiences and are also more successful than we think.

Since I became aware of this, I have perceived everything in life much more intensely and more positively. Every evening I thank you for all the wonderful experiences of the day and in the morning, right after waking up, I think of something that I am looking forward to on the day. It's fantastic how many moments of happiness you can suddenly have in a single, seemingly unimportant day. And if you are happy and grateful, nothing will knock you over so quickly in life and can cope with everyday life much more relaxed.

Who is your book aimed at and in what situations should it be read?

The book is aimed at everyone who wants to change something in their life. This can be a complete new beginning in life or "just" a small quality or simply living happier and more fulfilled in everyday life.

Because with all changes in life there are four areas that have to be considered: Clarity of what you want. Letting go of what is holding you back. Stay motivated, because change takes energy and strength. And keep focus so that the goal is achieved in the long term and no New Year's resolution remains.

How can a little book like that really change my life in the long term?

It can help you change your life. It offers many helpful tips and tricks in all areas of your life. It explains how and why you are who you are and what you can do to change it. The combination of scientific knowledge, applying what you have learned in self-reflection exercises and then living with the calendar in everyday life is really unique and a powerful and effective method.

What the book can't (and nobody else) can do: change your life for you. You can only change your life by changing yourself.

I get a lot of feedback from people telling me how much their lives have changed with the book. The first changes are often noticeable very quickly. It is the realization that you yourself have more power and influence on your life than you thought before. That motivates and inspires you to think more about yourself and your own possibilities. The other, visible changes in life only become noticeable after a while. This is influenced by how quickly you manage to let go of what is holding you back. Yes, life really does change when you are willing to do your part.

"Happiness" - what does that mean today? And what do you think happiness really is?

Everything you do, avoid, wish for, or strive for in life has only one deeper reason: You believe that you will be happier afterwards. Be it a partnership, career, money, success or also to do good to others. However, many people seek the next "happiness" and strive for more as soon as a wish or goal is fulfilled. Thus, these people often experience a permanent feeling of striving for happiness rather than a feeling of happiness.

For me, happiness is a state of being when feelings (body) and thoughts (brain) are in harmony. If we are satisfied with what we have and enjoy what is, then we are happy.

It doesn't mean that we can't or shouldn't strive for more. However, it makes a difference whether we want more out of a lack (pursuit of happiness) or out of a happy state of being.

I am convinced that we should first make peace with ourselves and our present life and find our inner happiness. It makes us independent of external circumstances and the opinion of other people and gives us the power and strength to pursue our goals.

“What do I really want?” Many ask. How do you find an answer to these questions?

In today's society we are distracted and trimmed to function. "You do it like that", is a belief that underpins many of the choices we make in life. We are very busy doing everyday life so that we are lived more than we really live.

Many have forgotten how to look inward. It is very powerful to pause, listen to your inner voice and wait to see what answers and messages you get. Everyone has a strong internal navigation system that is often drowned out by the noise of everyday life.

Meditation is very helpful here. Or simply ask yourself the question: What do I really want? And what are my (limiting) beliefs about it. Write down everything that comes to mind and you will be amazed at the answers you get.

Learn again to trust your inner voice and trust yourself that you can achieve your desires. Our real I is self-confident, optimistic and clearly knows its way. When we reconnect with ourselves, a lot becomes clearer to us and new paths open up that we have not seen before.



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Ok I understand. You also mention keywords like clarity, letting go, motivation and focus. What do they stand for?

With all changes in life there are four areas to consider: Clarity of what you want. Letting go of what is holding you back. Stay motivated and focused so that the goal doesn't remain a New Year's resolution.

CLARITY: If you don't know what you want, you can't get there either. For example, if you want to live more freely, it is like entering in the GPS: Take me to a nicer place. Ask yourself why you want to live more freely and what freedom means to you. Clarity about the goal and the background, often changes the perspective and opens up new possibilities.

LET GO: This is the most important and most neglected area for me. Past failures and unconscious thought patterns are like a handbrake on the home straight. And then we wonder why it's so hard. If you manage to let go of the old, believe in what you want and trust that you can achieve it, then you will suddenly wonder how easy it is.

MOTIVATION: Changing habits requires strength and energy because it doesn't happen overnight. Positive experiences, such as visible successes or beautiful moments in life, are very helpful here. Write down what you have achieved and gratefully perceive the beautiful moments in life.

FOCUS: Daily routine is important for turning something new into a habit. Read through your goal every morning and reflect on how successful you have been in the evening. If you think you don't have the time, do it while brushing your teeth. (laughs)

We cannot influence many things in life and yet we waste a lot of energy on them. The only thing in life that we can really influence is our thoughts. The power of thought is the most powerful and influential tool you have. Use it and be surprised what is suddenly possible.

Thanks for the interview, dear Iris!

Here you can find out more about The New You and order the book. In addition to pink and mint, a gray version will soon be available on the market.

(Photos: PR)