Actually, I've always assumed that I was all alone with my enormous aversion to kissing, but when I recently tried Google about my misery on a bored weekend to look up why I was so strangely polarized, I was suddenly pretty Surprised: I not only found a huge number of reports and articles on the topic, but also a surprising number of worried questions from "those affected" in these dubious question-and-answer forums, which are otherwise avoided if possible. All of this pointed increasingly to a certain level of despair. For my part too, of course. So I read a few hours into the French Kiss theories of complete strangers on the Internet and not only came to the conclusion that many people are just like me and that this phenomenon seems to be quite normal, but I also became one richer in a multitude of outrageous theories about what the exact cause of my aversion to kissing might be.
The process in these forums is actually always the same: One person worries that they might be somehow different from the rest of the people who love to kiss and turns to the community of questions for advice. The answers are usually numerous and always suggest that there must be some kind of error. Either with yourself, or possibly with your partner, because people obviously cannot explain plausibly why you don't want to kiss someone so much, even though you say you love them dearly. In its logic, one does not love the person enough, but that seems to be more of a false conclusion by amateur psychologists than a tenable scientific theory. Most of the experts in these forums are probably nothing more than 17-year-old youngsters without any significant relationship experience, but with all the more boredom and deconstructive character traits. In no answer does it ever occur to any of them that this dislike might be normal and that people can have different preferences and interests. Because they can. As simple as that.
Person 1: My girlfriend doesn't like kissing that much!
Person 2: Do you have a stomach problem or bad teeth?
For my part, I could probably sleep with a stranger rather than kiss them. The hurdle and the unwillingness to allow closeness on my part is too big. That may sound strange to those who like to kiss, I know, and because of this I sometimes feel like an alien, for whom kissing is an unfamiliar, far too intimate cultural technique. What is all the nonsense about spitting around?
For my part, I could probably sleep with a stranger rather than kiss them. The hurdle and the unwillingness to allow closeness on my part is too big.
I don't seem to be alone with this question, if you want to believe studies that have shown that every tenth person does not like to kiss and that I, as officially certified, do not seem to be an alien, but a full-fledged person who does not seem to be one at all times as small a minority of 10%. So far so good, but of course it always becomes difficult when there is a kind of compulsory kiss in society, because the majority of people in our culture have tacitly agreed to nestle their tongues together. This can be completely different in other parts of the world and other cultures do not necessarily tend to kiss with tongue, but use other gestures of affection, such as caressing the cheeks or rubbing the noses together to be close. Go all in with me!
In the same study, 63% of women said that they would rather forego sex than kissing. For men it was only 37%. Very sympathetic in my eyes.
Science currently doesn't seem to have much agreement on what the real reason for a kiss is. It is believed that the kiss is a kind of chemical test that is supposed to check out factors such as fertility or the immune system of the other person. And it feels just as dry to me. A mere check-out. Check out the immune system? Without me! Why should you kiss at all when you can simply ask whether someone is often sick. An advanced life hack!
Scientists also assume that when we kiss we close our eyes so that we can block out other environmental stimuli and concentrate not ostensibly on the visual sense, but on the other senses stimulated during kissing, such as smell, haptics and taste. In addition, a person burns about 15 calories during an intense kiss. In the long run, that costs a lot of money if you have to counteract this with food.
It is believed that the kiss is a kind of chemical test that is supposed to check out factors such as fertility or the immune system of the other person. And it feels just as dry to me. A mere check-out. Check out the immune system? Without me!
1. A passionate kiss can be more intimate than sex.
2. The orgasm is the real goal of partnership interaction. In everyday life in particular, mere satisfaction is usually the focus.
3. The desire for intimacy may not arise until one becomes intimate with one another. A paradox.
4. A partner may have “sex desire” when they want to kiss. Responding to the kiss could be interpreted as consent.
5. One partner may be anxious, the kiss could get weird and so avoid it.
Still other theories are quite pseudo-deep and can be found mainly in forums in which people looking for help ask for dream interpretations and psychological remote diagnoses. Sure, in these forums people are somehow always so over-psychologizing and birkenstock and claim that anyone who doesn't like kissing has lacked motherly love. So far so good, dear amateur psychologists, because of course I missed that too. But among us, who wasn't missing it? I don't know a single fucking person who says of themselves that they had just the right amount of motherly love and everything is dead and because of that they make out all day and check out immune systems. What I find most worrying about this approach is that it is assumed as a normal state that all people share the same preference. Kissing is just one of many techniques for wanting to be close to someone.
But what exactly is the difference between kissing and other techniques of being together, such as anal sex, in which it is naturally respected if someone does not enjoy it. Then no anal sex police come and tell you you'd be weird if you don't like it. When it comes to kissing, we judge differently: If you don't like kissing, you quickly become suspicious!
When it comes to kissing, we judge differently: If you don't like kissing, you quickly become suspicious!
When we think back to our childhood, some of us may remember the absence of physicality in the family. There are such and such families. For example, I simply don't know the feeling that parents touch me. Or caress. Or we cuddle with each other. Still, it doesn't feel like a deficit to me, but marks a normal state. I don't miss anything that is not part of my normality for me. I'm not a physical type and I don't want to be forced to do so and have to pretend that a kiss makes me particularly special in some way. Because he doesn't. On the other hand, I am frightened by people who constantly hug and touch and who are physically very close to one another. Weirdos in my eyes!
But why does a not insignificant proportion of people feel kissing more intimately than sex? Maybe it's because you can look away at any time during sex. You can also breathe away or listen away. Just put your head out. When kissing, fading out doesn't work well for me because then the kiss becomes bad or one-sided. Kissing makes you feel completely at the mercy and requires 100% attention and passion. But I'm not ready to give that much. That's not my style.
I actually look back on a long history of kissing. Whether in the nursery with hours of dry exercises with my teddy bear, my Paddy Kelly posters or with my favorite kissing partner: the crook of my arm! Nobody has kissed me as well as I have kissed myself! Or maybe I just don't like kissing other people on the mouth. The mouth and overstimulation of all senses are my problem. The solution is obvious: Couldn't we just kiss the crooks of the arm and leave the rest?
Kissing makes you feel completely at the mercy and requires 100% attention and passion. But I'm not ready to give that much. That's not my style.
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