How do I make my grandparents happy
How these 19 people came out to their grandparents is going to make you really happy
"When you were eight and told me that you just wanted to live in a forest hut with a friend and grow carrots, I was sure."
BuzzFeed.de © Getty / BuzzFeed
We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us how they came out before their grandparents - and poof, there are some crazy experiences. Take some time and read these stories through. In all honesty, they made me cry.
1. Sofiya's story
When I came out to my grandma, she was very cool and hugged me ... but the really great thing is that, because she lives quite far away, she gives me every public holiday (except Christmas, because she visits us then) sends a package. Since I came out, she's been adding something in rainbow colors.
2. Liza's story
I was engaged to my girlfriend at the time and had already come out to most of my family. My grandmother, who was very conservative, was not doing very well. During my cousin's wedding, my aunt came up to me and told me that my grandmother knew I was engaged and would like to hear from myself. She wanted me to come out before she died and she insisted on it. I will never forget my mother's reaction to that. She was speechless that my grandmother not only knew about it, but also wanted to accept it.
That same week I visited my grandmother at home and sat in the living room with my grandfather and her and nervously told them that I was a lesbian and engaged. My grandmother took my hand and told me she was so happy for me. All she wants is me to tell her, and as long as I'm happy, nothing else would matter. Then she started crying when she told me that she didn't think she could get through until my wedding. She felt so bad that she wouldn't be able to attend, but she loved me very much and would have loved to be there. A few months later my grandmother died and it was very hard for our family. I will never forget her words and that she insisted that I come out to her so that she can tell me that she loves me exactly for who I am. Your words have given me so much strength and encouraged me to love myself - come what may.
After she died, I went through a lot and realized that I wasn't happy in my relationship at the time. In the end, I broke off the engagement and moved back home to my family. It's been almost five years since she passed away. I consider myself very lucky to be engaged to the greatest woman in the world. I'm sad that my grandma can't get to know my fiancée, but I know I wouldn't be where I am now if everything hadn't turned out the way it is. I miss my grandma every single day and wish so much that I could hug her again and tell her how much that day meant to me.
3. Mary's story
My mother told my grandma on the phone and my grandma said, “Okay. What's the plan for Christmas, dear? I can't stand it that you always wait until the last minute to plan. "
4. Matt's story
Some background information ...
I live in West Virginia, which historically has not had the best reputation for diversity or inclusion. However, the city I live in is really proactive and supports the LGBTQ community. We have launched many initiatives that allow underrepresented sections of the population within the community to benefit from additional funds, events, etc.
My grandma struggled with various ailments and health problems that not only tied her physically to her home / bed, but also changed parts of her personality, mindset and mental health ...
Our mayor asked me to speak at an event about living as part of the LGBTQ community in Appalachia, and West Virginia specifically. I had a bad feeling about this because I hadn't come out to my grandparents and more distant relatives. But I thought I could take it easy and moderate and not make a big deal out of it.
Fortunately, it didn't come to that. There were some news reports about it the day before the event and I received calls from several journalists. I also got a call from my mother. She asked me to come home. She didn't think it was fair to my family (whom I have a great relationship with) for them to find out on the news that I was gay.
I can still remember on the hour-long walk home I was worried about how my grandma would react. I knew she would love me in her heart, but I wasn't sure how she would react or what she would say given her health problems.
When I got home she was sleeping and I had to wait what felt like an eternity to be able to speak to her. When she finally woke up, she asked me to join her on the porch.
We talked about how the sun had finally come out, its flowers had started to bloom, and that the birds were louder than usual.
Then there was a pause in our conversation and I said it.
"Grandma, I'm gay."
Without hesitation and without interrupting the conversation, she took my hand and simply said: “There is a place for everyone in this world and more than enough love. I love you."
I started crying right away and she added that she just wanted me to be happy. She asked if I was in a relationship and what made me come out. When I told her about the event and that I should give a speech, tears came to her and she told me how proud she was of me and that we should celebrate it on a Sunday after church.
When it was time for my lecture the next day, I went to the podium and noticed some movement in the back of the room. This was my grandma, whose wheelchair was pushed in by all of my family. Of course, tears came to me then.
I went to see them after the event and she told me that she hadn't missed this for anything in the world and that the moment I left her house, she called the rest of the family to tell them that they would all come with her.
To this day I can't talk about it without crying. I've always been a grandma child and I definitely have a special bond with her. Now it's even a little tighter.
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5. Elaine's story
My grandparents live about four hours away, so I called them. I was sitting in a friend's dorm, totally scared, and dialed her number. My grandma was extremely understanding, but kept asking: “Are you sure that this isn't just a phase?” And my grandpa asked himself the same thing. I think they didn't want to see that I was a lesbian. But when I told them that I had fallen in love with a great woman, they were very happy for me and welcomed her with open arms. My grandparents are very conservative, but they accepted me completely. I have been very lucky with them and think our connection is stronger now than it was before.
6. James' story
I never intended to tell my grandma. But one day she had enough and wrote to me to ask if I was gay. She then wrote to me for 20 days in a row, so I finally answered “yes”. Now she texts me every week and asks if I already have a boyfriend.
7. Clint's story
My grandmother died before I could come out to her. She has been devotedly religious and hostile to the LGBT community throughout her life. About a year after her death, I visited her grave for the first time and just sat down and told her about myself. I told her I was much happier now and how much I wish she was still here to learn more about who I am. Whether she would have accepted me or not doesn't really matter to me. But just saying it out loud took a huge stone off my heart.
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8. Luna's story
I told my grandma I was bi and she looked at me for about a minute, tilted her head and said, "Huh?" I repeated myself and she said, “What is that? Oh well, I'll just look it up. ”So now my grandma is in a real research project into what bisexuality is.
9. Reed's story
My Nanners (that's what I call my grandmother) and I have always been very close. She is my dearest family member and I am hers, the whole family has already noticed. We carpentry together, visit flea markets and, overall, have similar interests. She has always been the one constant in my life. Even when I didn't have anyone, I knew I had her and she had me. Still, I was petrified when it came to telling her I was a lesbian. If I lost her I would be really devastated.
I was scared of taking that risk, but got to the point where I felt like I was lying to her. I couldn't stand not being honest with the most important person in my life. So one day we were at her house sanding down a few pieces of furniture and I said to her, “I have to tell you something.” She looked at me with concern and I said, “I'm going out with someone.” Her reaction was: "Who is she?" I told her while we continued sanding the wood. After that she just accepted it completely and everything was the same between us. Since then, she has always introduced my girlfriend to everyone at weddings and family events and doesn't give a damn whether they like it or not. That is saying something when you consider that I come from a small town in Tennessee. She is truly one of my very favorite people. I really don't know what I would do without her. ❤️
10. Angela's story
I've been with my fiancée for over six years. We're getting married in March. I hadn't come out to my grandma yet because my mother was afraid of her reaction. They are both Latinas and Catholic. My mother always called my fiancé a “good friend” or “roommate” to her. We were in town and I casually told my grandma to keep the date free for my wedding and: "So Daphney and I will get married next year." She just said: "Oh really?" And admired the invitation card, and asked for three more to be framed.
I later found out that she called my aunt to blow off some steam. She said her main concern was: "But how do they have sex ?!"
11. Jessica's story
Actually, my mother outed me to my grandmother - in the best way! My grandmother is very Catholic and my mother and I have come to the conclusion that you don't need to know what sexual orientation I have or who I am dating. She was already in her late 80s, so why burden her heart with it? Well, my mother has gotten so used to me and my girlfriend that when my grandma asked about me on the phone every evening she trumpeted: "Oh, she's on a date with Marianne."
Surprisingly, my grandmother and my girlfriend got along really well. My grandparents loved her and her family. They threw dinner parties for them and vice versa. It went so far that I began to have doubts as to whether they understood that she was my partner, but my mother confirmed that 100%. My grandmother really held her protective hand over her and asked my mother repeatedly if my sisters weren't marginalizing us either, hahah! A 90 year old Catholic who cares about her little lesbians being safe! Years later, when said friend and I had been separated for about two years, my grandma asked me if it would be okay if she asked Marianne for iPad tutoring because she was “so patient and the Apple Store so loud. “Of course I said yes. Marianne was an excellent teacher and even gave her instructions for using her e-mails and her Facebook profile. They are still completely in love with each other and occasionally chat on Messenger.
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12. Abby's story
I wanted to tell my grandmother that I am not binary. I thought I had the guts and just had to find the right time and place. Then she died, with practically no warning. My family and I were devastated. Not only did I not come out to her - it also overturned my plans to come out to the rest of the family. At first I was hesitant to come out because I wasn't sure how she would react. But looking back, I have to say that she would have loved me in any case. Not coming out to her was the biggest mistake of my life - because it denied her an opportunity to really understand me and strengthen our bond before she died.
13. Sophia's story
I came out with a post on Facebook and didn't want my grandparents to find out that way. That's why I wrote to them and told them about myself. They replied, “Always remember, you are our granddaughter and we will always love you, come what may. Well, unless you like Trump. "
14. Dylan's story
I was 14 years old. I had come out to my parents, friends and school a few months earlier. My grandparents lived a few hours away and I used to stay with them for a week or two in the summer.
Well, as a 14-year-old boy, I had the habit of visiting certain websites that I would access by making the outrageous lie that I was already 18 - to put it that way. Before I left, my mother took me aside and told me that if I even THINKED of visiting ANY "these websites" it would have immediate and serious consequences. And to this day I am AMAZED that I actually kept my end of the bargain. I was mostly on sites like LiveJournal (haha), NeoPets (HAHA) and AOL IM (GOTT BEWAHRE).
Well, apparently my grandma stumbled upon my LiveJournal. Important: My name was 'thespian_queen' (in German roughly: theater queen). On this blog she read my posts about all the guys I was anything but secretly in love with.
She is. COMPLETE. OUT. THE. SKIN. HAZARDS.
She asked me why I look at dirty websites, why I am "like that" etc. etc. etc.
She called my mother and asked her to drive the full four hours to "get me out of her house." So I'll spend the next four hours locked in my grandma's guest room.
First I heard my mother's car stop outside. Then she slammed the car door and burst into the house through the sliding door of the kitchen - screaming! Her mother SHOUTING: "What do you think you're doing, DAMN SHIT !? We all knew he was gay since he was THREE, mom. How do you think he feels now ?! "
My grandma just cried and said that she didn't want me to do that and cried that she “couldn't have known that.” My mother said with certainty: “Great, mom, but your grandson is gay and thinks that because of you be kind of wrong, and I don't want my son to think that of himself! ”A few swearwords later, my mother called down the hall to tell me to grab my things because“ we're going, NOW. ”
At some point my grandpa came home, found out what had happened, called my mother and asked to speak to me.
“We love you,” he said. “We will always love you, no matter what.Your grandma just comes from another time and wasn't ready to deal with that. "
We fast forward a few months. Most of the time, nobody in my family spoke to my grandparents. However, it was our family's turn to host the Thanksgiving meal. The day my grandparents arrived, I felt fear again. I didn't want to be to blame for a ruined meal. When my grandma got out of the car, she had a wrapped present in her hand. She handed it to me without a word, but motioned to me to open it. It was the collected works of William Shakespeare. Inside was the simple message: “For my theater queen. I will always love you. ”I cried. She cried. My mother cried.
When I visited again over the next summer, my grandma had the original version of Queer Eye and Will & Grace which we then watched together, occasionally she asked me about this and that.
That was half a life in the truest sense of the word and I am happy to say that my grandmother has become nothing less than the loving support that I always needed, wanted and now also have.
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15. Sully's story
I was scared, so I let my parents teach my grandparents to do it. My one grandma wasn't happy about it, but said she could live with it. My grandparents on the other side of the family were initially shocked and couldn't believe I was sure. Since then, they have come to terms with it more and have met my girlfriend several times. Every time my grandma finds out that one of her friends has an LGBT grandchild, she sends me a message.
16. Jenn's story
I was an insecure 19 year old, so I asked my mother to tell her parents and my father's mother. I never worried about not being loved or anything. But they were all born in their 30s and I wasn't sure how my grandma Ann would get on with them.
I was sitting in my dorm when my mother called me to tell me that Grandma Ann doesn't mind and she loves me very much! She was a difficult lady and had her own quirks, but that night she was the best person in the world. I was so excited that I ran up and down the hall of the dormitory feeling like my heart was going to explode any moment! I am very lucky and very lucky. This is a night I will never forget.
17. History of hipsterindisguise
She lives in Texas and I lived in Southern California for my freshman year of college. We had a very close relationship because after my mother's death she had lived with us for most of my childhood. So I thought it was a good idea to tell them about.
We'd never really talked about the LGBTQ community or their opinions on it, but she is a VERY traditional woman who loves her Bible. She called me every Sunday to talk to, and I'd decided that was the day.
I had formulated a plan in case she should react negatively, namely that I would stand over it and be calm. The phone rings and we go through the usual chat and I am eagerly waiting to be able to say, "Betty, I'm a lesbian and that's just great!"
So there is a pause and I pull myself together and say: “Grandma, I love you and just wanted to tell you that I am a lesbian and have a steady girlfriend. I would be very happy about your support, because you are an important part of my life, but I could understand if you want nothing more to do with me. "
There was no answer from the other end of the line and I was beginning to think that she was worried about "being infected with homopesty over the phone" or something like that then noticed that she was laughing. She said, “Honey, that's no surprise. When you were four and couldn't stop talking about the girls at your school, I told your dad that you were a lesbian. When you were eight and you told me that you just wanted to live in a forest cabin with a friend and grow carrots, I was sure. I love you with all my heart and nothing will ever change that. God loves you, one mustn't forget that either. Don't let this girl break your heart, young love makes your heart very fragile. "
Then I sobbed because I wasn't prepared for it. I couldn't have dreamed that she would be so open-minded.
Fun fact: She took me to the altar in June because this girl actually never broke my heart. I love my wife and I am so grateful to my 76 year old grandmother.
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18. Kenz's story
I had to tell my grandma before my sister's wedding because a girl would be with me. Her answer was, "Okay, well and good, but are you going to wear a dress anyway?"
19. Taylor's story
My grandma and I have always been inseparable, so when I came out as a lesbian at 23, I was very worried that she would blame me and our relationship would suffer.
Now, almost two years later, I'm not sure why I was concerned. I get calls from her regularly that she saw a post on Facebook that someone has a daughter / granddaughter / cousin / whatever from across the river and whether she should call to set up a date.
The first time she tried that, I was ashamed of the idea of my grandma calling strangers to get me a date. But I was also moved to tears that she tried so hard to help me find a partner, even if it wasn't the kind of partner she had always expected. I still cry when I tell people how amazing my grandma is.
These stories have been edited for clarity and / or length.
This article first appeared in English.
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