Why should we be assertive

7 characteristics of assertive people

Last update: 18th January, 2018

Assertive people were not born this way, but have developed into what they are today. Of course, there are circumstances that help develop certain qualities or skills. Ultimately, however, we must all work to change the way we behave and how we act, so that it becomes more appropriate and more constructive. There are certain qualities of assertive people that we can recognize and that we should strive for in this regard.

The Assertiveness can be defined as the quality of identifying with others in a sincere and uplifting way, building a bridge that leads to trust between people. It can also be defined as an attitude toward oneself and toward others that leads to one Balance between respect for rights and responsibilities we have towards others, leads. At the same time, mutual respect is maintained.

It is worth the effort to recognize the characteristics that make us assertive. But it is much easier to theorize about them than to show them in our everyday lives. So we're going to talk about seven of them here.

"The fundamental difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well-being of others."

Sharon Anthony Bower

1. Assertive people know what respect is

The word respect is defined as attaching value to something or someone and therefore treating them with consideration. Assertive people show respect. To yourself, but above all to your environment, regardless of whether it is about people, ideas, work or animals.

Respect is expressed, among other things, by renouncing violence. Abuse is not an option. When there is a disagreement or conflict, assertive people will deal with it with self-respect and self-respect. They want to preserve both their own dignity and the dignity of others. This attitude manifests itself in concepts, ideas and ideologies. Even if someone does not share their own ideas and beliefs, an assertive person will not look down on them.


2. You build genuine relationships with others

One of the qualities of assertive people is that they value having good relationships with other people. They understand that they cannot build relationships based on lies or hypocrisy. Instead, they show themselves for who they are and want others to understand what to expect from them.

They take care to avoid actions that cause long-term discomfort, such as condescending behavior. If you disagree with something, say so. They don't sacrifice their identity to avoid inconsistencies.

For the same reason, they choose their friends carefully. If you don't feel a genuine connection with someone, don't force friendship. You do not feel motivated by the prospect of benefits but by beliefs.

3. You understand, accept, and value yourself

Assertive people have self-confidence, but their self-confidence is not based on pride or a feeling of superiority. They are confident of who they are because they understand themselves. This understanding is the result of observation, self-assessment and engaging in constructive internal dialogues. This means that they take responsibility for themselves as a person who has both strengths and weaknesses.

Self-assessment leads to understanding, and this leads to acceptance and self-respect. Assertiveness requires being humble and understanding that we are human and therefore imperfect. It is a "feeling of imperfection" in which your will and your motivation allow you to grow and mature.

4. You have self-control and emotional stability

Assertive people find ways to regulate their emotions. Because of this, they usually stay calm, stay in control. They understand that we all have emotions that need to be processed. It's not that they didn't feel anger, fear, or pain. They simply learned that when they lose control, these tremendous feelings can lead to inappropriate behavior.

This principle can also be applied to behavior towards others. Assertive people can empathize with the feelings of others and give them that calm and control. Those who are assertive do not feed the flame of zeal or look to manipulate others, blame them, or point out weaknesses. They help others to center themselves so that, despite all the circumstances, they do not lose their calm.

5. You maintain your communication skills

Many problems are due to miscommunication. Likewise, many problems can be solved through good communication and conversation. When communication tools are not used appropriately, it becomes difficult to be divided. We then miss the honesty, the real intention to reach mutual understanding.

Self-awareness and reflection promote the development of these communication skills. They cause a person learns the ability to express clearly, simply, and honestly what she is feeling, and that she is able to actively listen to what others have to say. The fact is that assertive people understand the value of communication and are willing to invest their time in improving the way they communicate.

6. One of the qualities of assertive people is knowing how to draw lines

We cannot always have excellent relationships with others. The truth is, we sometimes come into contact with people who have a tendency to abuse, or who have an inherent bitterness or desire to cause harm. This creates tensions that assertive people know how to deal with by drawing boundaries.

You understand that everything has its limits and that there are situations that require you to draw a clear line. You cannot always live up to the expectations or wants of others. An assertive person can say no without creating a conflict.

7. You are emotionally independent

Assertive people are also able to tolerate and accept rejection or the indifference of others. They do not act to get approval from others, but remain true to their ideas, beliefs and needs.

Like everyone else, assertive people like to be recognized by others. If this does not happen, however, they will not be tempted to act against their own conscience.

Hardly anyone has all these characteristics. In other words, we will not be able to find people who show assertiveness in everything they say and do. Nothing human is perfect. In every aspect we have room to grow. To achieve this goal, it is necessary to simply try to keep getting a little better.

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