Anxiety and Romance: Managing Relationship Anxiety
My friend has just entered into the first of two common phases of relationship insecurity—rhetorical questioning. The internal investigation. Reality is generally more benign than the worst-case scenarios that anxious Jimmy was concerned that he would not get a performance-based raise this year. People with anxiety often have these by the truckload and will give them generously to the relationship. The problem is that anxiety can sometimes just as .
How can we keep our anxiety in check and allow ourselves to be vulnerable to someone we love? What Causes Relationship Anxiety?I Feel Out Of Control: Anxiety Destroys Relationships
The more we value someone else, the more we stand to lose. On many levels, both conscious and unconscious, we become scared of being hurt.
To a certain degree, we all possess a fear of intimacy. Get out before you get hurt. It can promote hostile, paranoid and suspicious thinking that lowers our self-esteem and drives unhealthy levels of distrust, defensiveness, jealousy and anxiety. Basically, it feeds us a consistent stream of thoughts that undermine our happiness and make us worry about our relationship, rather than just enjoying it.
When we get in our heads, focusing on these worried thoughts, we become incredibly distracted from real relating with our partner. We may start to act out in destructive ways, making nasty comments or becoming childish or parental toward our significant other. For example, imagine your partner stays at work late one night. Can you really believe her?
She probably prefers being away from you. You may act angry or cold, which then sets your partner off to feel frustrated and defensive. Instead of enjoying the time you have together, you may waste an entire night feeling withdrawn and upset with each other. When it comes to all of the things we worry ourselves about in relationships, we are much more resilient than we think.
In truth, we can handle the hurts and rejections that we so fear.
We can experience pain, and eventually, heal. However, our critical inner voice tends to terrorize and catastrophize reality. It will completely distort reality and undermine our own strength and resilience.
Anxiety over my boyfriend
Just put your guard up and never be vulnerable to anyone else. When we feel anxious or insecure, some of us have a tendency to become clingy and desperate in our actions.
We may feel possessive or controlling toward our partner in response. Conversely, some of us will feel easily intruded on in our relationships. We may retreat from our partners, detach from our feelings of desire.
We may act out by being aloof, distant or guarded. These patterns of relating can come from our early attachment styles. Our attachment pattern is established in our childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood. It influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met.
Different attachment styles can lead us to experience different levels of relationship anxiety. You can learn more about what your attachment style is and how it impacts your romantic relationships here. What Thoughts Perpetuate Relationship Anxiety?
The specific critical inner voices we have about ourselves, our partner and relationships are formed out of early attitudes we were exposed to in our family or in society at large. Sexual stereotypes as well as attitudes that our influential caretakers had toward themselves and others can infiltrate our point of view and shade our current perceptions. Critical Inner Voices about the Relationship People just wind up getting hurt.
Relationships never work out. Men are so insensitive, unreliable, selfish. Women are so fragile, needy, indirect. He only cares about being with his friends. Why get so excited? Build your own interests — If you are putting all of your focus on a romantic relationship, chances are you are going to feel anxious.
People who have solid relationships with family and friends and put focus on their own personal goals and interests are likely to make better partners, and they are less likely to experience separation anxiety or uncertainty about the relationship. Examine your thinking — Anxiety makes it difficult to objectively assess whether a worry is legitimate. Consider whether you need to work on managing your anxiety through healthy habits, communicate better with your partner, or address issues of concern in the relationship.
Share your values — Sometimes people in relationships are so focused on making another person like them that they forget to speak up for their own values and needs.
The earlier you can set the precedent for sharing your needs in a relationship, the less likely you are to feel resentful. Avoiding is only a temporary solution, and it often ends in heated conflict. Set a standard for addressing issues head on in the relationship, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. How would your best version of yourself address this issue?
Chances are, you already have an idea of how to improve the relationship and your own ability to manage anxiety.
Consider today whom you can recruit to help you manage your relationship anxiety.