Why You Should Stop Thinking Your Solid Relationship Is About To End It's more important to live in the moment and not worry about how. Don't Overanalyse The biggest mistake people make in relationships is to over- analyse. Don't think so much about the future. Enjoy the moment. Remember. People may call worried, nervous or anxious feelings stress or maybe tension. To avoid the pain of experiencing his wife as cold and unloving, he coped by.
Instead of enjoying the time you have together, you may waste an entire night feeling withdrawn and upset with each other. When it comes to all of the things we worry ourselves about in relationships, we are much more resilient than we think.
In truth, we can handle the hurts and rejections that we so fear. We can experience pain, and eventually, heal. However, our critical inner voice tends to terrorize and catastrophize reality. It will completely distort reality and undermine our own strength and resilience. Just put your guard up and never be vulnerable to anyone else.
When we feel anxious or insecure, some of us have a tendency to become clingy and desperate in our actions. We may feel possessive or controlling toward our partner in response. Conversely, some of us will feel easily intruded on in our relationships. We may retreat from our partners, detach from our feelings of desire. We may act out by being aloof, distant or guarded. These patterns of relating can come from our early attachment styles. Our attachment pattern is established in our childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood.How To Keep Your Relationship Healthy And Prevent Breakups
It influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met. Different attachment styles can lead us to experience different levels of relationship anxiety. You can learn more about what your attachment style is and how it impacts your romantic relationships here. What Thoughts Perpetuate Relationship Anxiety? The specific critical inner voices we have about ourselves, our partner and relationships are formed out of early attitudes we were exposed to in our family or in society at large.
Sexual stereotypes as well as attitudes that our influential caretakers had toward themselves and others can infiltrate our point of view and shade our current perceptions. Critical Inner Voices about the Relationship People just wind up getting hurt.
Relationships never work out. Men are so insensitive, unreliable, selfish.
How to Deal with Relationship Anxiety - PsychAlive
Women are so fragile, needy, indirect. He only cares about being with his friends. Why get so excited? She is too good for you. As soon as she gets to know you, she will reject you. As we shed light into our past, we quickly realize there are many early influences that have shaped our attachment pattern, our psychological defenses and our critical inner voice. All of these factors contribute to our relationship anxiety and can lead us to sabotage our love lives in many ways.
Listening to our inner critic and giving in to this anxiety can result in the following actions: Cling — When we feel anxious, our tendency may be to act desperate toward our partner. We may stop feeling like the independent, strong people we were when we entered the relationship. As a result, we may find ourselves falling apart easily, acting jealous or insecure or no longer engaging in independent activities.
Control — When we feel threatened, we may attempt to dominate or control our partner. This behavior can alienate our partner and breed resentment.
Reject — If we feel worried about our relationship, one defense we may turn to is aloofness. We may become cold or rejecting to protect ourselves or to beat our partner to the punch. These actions can be subtle or overt, yet it is almost always a sure way to force distance or to stir up insecurity in our partner.
Withhold — Sometimes, as opposed to explicit rejection, we tend to withhold from our partner when we feel anxious or afraid. When you eliminate the care or worry or stress or whatever you want to call ityou are free to really be in the relationship. You can see the other person for who he is and you can give yourself to him freely — no strategy, no game-playing, no manipulation.
You can just be and there is no greater feeling than that.
Mindfulness In Relationships: Reduce The Worrying & Fantasising By Getting Back Into The Present
But how do we do it? How do we stop our minds from spinning into overdrive, sending out waves of unpleasant thoughts and alarm bells? Realize stressing gets you nowhere First, you need to realize that getting all wound up over the state of your relationship serves no purpose, ever.
It causes problems within the relationship, and more importantly, it takes a huge toll on your sense of self and self-esteem. When you care too much, you inevitably become attached to a certain outcome. You invest mental energy in making sure things go a certain way.
I have been guilty of stressing over past relationships. It was always the same pattern. From then on, the relationship was no longer enjoyable. Every interaction and conversation became a test to see exactly where he stood and how he felt. The problem is our minds trick us into believing there is some sort of payoff to this type of thinking.
Like it will somehow lead us to a place of confidence and clarity. It will lead you in the opposite direction, rather, and cause you to feel even more uncertain and insecure. It is not there to serve you and give you things like happiness and self-esteem. It is not there to make you feel good about life and about yourself.
It is not a goal to achieve. A relationship is an experience to be had and shared. It is about discovering how compatible you are with someone else, and if there is enough chemistry and compatibility to form a lifelong partnership, also known as marriage. The only work you have to do is to make sure you are your best self and get to a place where you can give and receive love.
No amount of plotting or analyzing will change whether you and someone else are compatible. So you enter into the relationship as your best self and then one of two things happens: If you can realize this, really realize it, then there will be absolutely nothing to stress over. Set a freak-out deadline A lot of us make the mistake of prematurely freaking out over something that really turns out to be absolutely nothing.
You talk regularly, go on fun dates, it seems to be going really well. And then the devastation starts to creep in…followed by the doubts. What did I do wrong? Was it something I said?
Why do the guys I like always leave me? And just when the agony is at its peak…. And everything is fine! You cling to the relationship even tighter because you remember how miserable it felt when you thought you lost it and you vow not to do anything to screw this up. Rather than reflexively panicking when something seems amiss, set a deadline.