To a certain extent, jealousy in relationships is inevitable. Put simply, when you care about someone you don't want to lose them and, ironically. 7 Ways To Stop Acting Like An Insanely Jealous And Crazy-Insecure Person. Insecurity can make jealousy your best friend and ruin relationships forever. Here are 7 steps you can take to get over your insecurities and stop the jealous drama. You feel the anxiety and rage building up in you, and you don't know what to do. Relationships end because of jealous conflicts, and people kill other people.
At first before realizing how destructive it was to becomeshe'd been flattered by the intensity of his jealous attentions - after all, it showed he cared, right? But the constant anxiety, loss of her freedom, and sheer clinginess he would text every half-hour if she went out with a girlfriend were now torture to her and also to him. Most people feel a little jealous sometimes, especially when they have strong feelings of attraction and love for their partner, and a little jealousy occasionally can add zest to a relationship.
But just as a spark can illuminate a room, a blaze can burn it to the ground. So what's behind jealousy? What does jealousy in a relationship mean? At the root of jealousy lies fear of loss. Like many jealous partners, Kevin feared loss of their relationship, loss of self-respect, even loss of 'face' fearing how his friends would see him if he were to be 'made a fool of'.
Fear makes for feelings of insecurity. When fear lessens, so does jealousy. More than feelings of fear, jealousy also leads to a smorgasbord of other emotions such as anger, hate of love 'rivals', disgust sometimes self-disgustand hopelessness.
So why might a person be jealous? Kevin's ex-wife had cheated on him and he felt he'd never got over this. We're told it's great to have 'a good imagination', but he was using his to torment himself.
Of course, if your partner is continually sexually active with other people, then jealousy is totally justified.
7 Tips for Overcoming Jealousy in Relationships
And perhaps the whole relationship needs to be re-evaluated. But here I want to focus on helping you if you feel unduly jealous that's to say, there is no real or proper evidence that your partner is or has been unfaithful to you. These tips also focus on sexual jealousy rather than, say, being jealous of the amount of time your partner spends with their mother or kids. So how can we start to break the jealousy cycle, reclaim self-control, and stop driving our partners and ourselves crazy?
Yes, take them at their word. If they do lie to you, then they are not making a fool out of anyone but themselves - remember that. It's been said that trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. It's very insulting for your partner to have you always doubting their word or decency of behaviour. Constant questioning by you can even be as destructive as having an affair in the long run.
You'll still distrust your partner for a while out of sheer habitbut find the strength to start acting as if you believe them. If you've been checking that they really were where they said they've been, then stop doing that. When they tell you they love you, believe them.
7 Tips for Overcoming Jealousy in Relationships
Save 2 Easier said than done, but stop comparing yourself to others Some not all jealousy is driven by low self-esteem.
I don't understand how someone like them could be attracted to someone like me! Does the Mona Lisa painting know why it is so valuable?
Of course, you may be able to appreciate attractive qualities in yourself, but consider this: There are better looking, richer, funnier, smarter, younger people around than just about all of us, but these are qualities of a 'product'.
If he or she loves you, it will be because of an extra, indefinable quality you have that they couldn't even explain - some deep part of your humanity they connected to which transcends looks, youth, wealth, and so forth.
Some of the most loved people in history have been well down the list when it comes to looks or wealth. Stop trying to 'work out' why they can possibly like you.
People with quite high self-esteem can experience intense jealousy if they tend to feel they themselves must always be the centre of things. People like this tend to look at other people as material property. And maybe they just don't want to share that 'property', even as far as letting their partner innocently smile or socialize with another person. Perhaps as a kid they were a little spoilt. But people are not objects or toys to be constantly guarded.
To love someone properly, we need to be prepared to lose them. Sounds like it, you might think and I do have my momentsbut hear me out. Anger, fear, and jealousy drive out love; and love needs a strong dash of fearlessness to flourish. Okay, so you fear losing your loved one to someone else and possibly fear how this will make you feel about yourself.
If you must keep using your imagination, use it to imagine the 'worst' happening and you still being okay; not just surviving, but thriving in this imagined scenario. Fantasize about how well you'd react, how whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Write down 10 positive ways you'd like to respond and how you'd build your life up even better if this relationship were to end.
Fear is much greater when we feel that 'all our eggs are in one basket'.
Overcoming jealousy: The 10 Dos and Don’ts
Don't build your whole life around any one person. The Dos DO recognize you have an issue The first step to overcoming something irrational is, as always, to acknowledge that you have an issue. Awareness will enable you to accept that your jealousy is most likely unjustified and therefore easier to conquer.
It is how you deal with your jealousy that dictates how the relationship will continue.
How to Stop Jealousy in a Relationship: 11 Steps (with Pictures)
Recognizing your irrationality towards normal situations will stand you in good stead to control your emotions. DO actually trust them Many people who are actually happy in their relationship, still get really jealous. But ultimately you have to ask yourself if you trust them — have they ever given you any reason to doubt their faithfulness in the past?
Give them the benefit of the doubt and actually trust them — there are still plenty of good people out there who value monogamy.
Throwing yourself into projects or keeping your mind occupied by spending time with friends will help you with overcoming jealousy. DO improve your self-esteem When trying to overcome jealousy, it might be worth also taking a look at yourself and considering perhaps why you become green-eyed easily.
DO communicate properly with your partner Jealousy often arises from miscommunication and misunderstandings. This is better than letting your mind run wild with irrational thoughts that could easily be reined in.